Dealing With "Blasters"
Have you ever had someone get in your face and really unload a lot of
hostility? Have you ever had to work with an individual that kept
everyone walking on eggshells because they never knew from one moment to
the next, the kind of mood that person would be in? Those
individuals deplete energy and cause conflict in the workplace. They
like to confront by erupting. They feel as though everyone has a right
to their opinion. After all, they’re just telling it like it is! Well,
they certainly need to grow up and get a life. My focus this week is not
on the hostile confronters, but on the poor souls they’re always
stalking. Allow me to share some techniques to use when dealing
with what I like to call the Blaster.
Blasters are everywhere. We work with them and we may live with them.
Learning how to deal with them effectively may help us help them.
Knowing how to diffuse negative emotions in others can make us less
stressed and also enhance the quality of our relationships. Blasters
will not be ignored so use the following techniques to reach them and
teach them.
- Don’t Add To Their Anger
Your voice and body language must be managed when someone confronts
you. You must deal with their emotions before you can deal with the
facts of the issue they’re upset over.
- Really Listen
Listening to someone is one of the most meaningful things you can
do. Angry people often feel as though no one ever really listens to
them. They may carry a big chip on their shoulders but you prove them
wrong when you open your ears before you open your mouth.
- Gently Frame Your View
Address the conflict in a gentle manner. If there is obvious
disagreement, frame the difference in a way that conveys openness. You
want them to know that you’re not a closed person but that you
don’t see things quite the way they do.
- Be Willing To Seek A Moderator
When you are unable to resolve matters, it may help to ask another
person to step in and hear both sides. Remember, a Blaster likes to be
heard. By bringing in someone else, they may feel more compelled to
tone down the rhetoric and deal in more rational terms. Simply say,
“You could be right. Let’s ask Charlie what he thinks”.
- Own Your Actions
If the Blaster is right about the issue, be willing to admit it.
Each of us must own our actions. We make mistakes and that’s life!
The Blaster, by their immature manner, puts people on the defensive.
To admit error may feel like you’re condoning their style of
confrontation or that they have won a great victory. Don’t slip into
win/lose thinking. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Own your
actions.
- Don’t Gloat
Because Blasters tend to be emotionally driven and fail to think
things through, they will often be wrong about the issues they’re
confronting you with. It would be very easy to gloat over their
mistake. Why not seek to use the moment as an opportunity to build a
better relationship. Remember, you can win arguments or you can win
people but you rarely win them both.
- Try To Walk Away As Friends
Working relationships are usually day-to-day. You’ll see this
person often and your effectiveness may depend on a good relationship.
As far as it depends on you, try and be friends. I know that in some
cases this will be impossible. Try your best.
One of the biggest needs in the workplace today is a crash course on
civility. Workplace violence has grown tremendously in recent years and
the trend indicates that it will continue to grow. Only by learning
manners and practicing commonsense skills that diffuse rather than
escalate conflict, can we see the workplace become a more productive and
safe environment.
